Letter to my Daughter

Hija mía (Daughter of mine),
On a cold rainy day I sit in a coffee house during my lunch hour wishing I could be home with you. Happy that you are home with daddy and that he is sharing his love and patience with you as he trys his best to teach and comfort you. I think about how you smile at the mention of papi and are almost always ready with a hug and kiss for him. I try hard not to get too emotional thinking that it should be me home with you and remember to be grateful that regardless of traditional roles you are home with a parent who loves and cares for you.

Funny how before you came into our lives we had a plan but it wasn’t until you were actually here that we realized that our plans need more tweaking and a lot more flexibility. Some day when you are grown and have your own children perhaps you will read this letter and you will understand that being a parent is hard and that right or wrong your papi and I always tried our best to give you a sense of self, strength, and opportunities. I also hope that our friendship and love will make us for these hours I have to miss with you.

Although you are not quite 2 years old yet your papi and I are already looking at the future thinking about your education. We want you to have it all and to learn to not just speak our/your native language but to understand and love your roots and culture. Like us you will straddle two worlds sometimes owning both and other times neither. By birth you are American but your blood is a mixture of those ancient people, European and Native, that have blended traditions and faith and formed our beautiful neighbor- Mexico.

Through your veins courses the wisdom and pain of past civilizations. Your blood is rich with culture and your roots are strong. That said, we hope your footsteps in this country are steady and full of purpose for you’re walking in your home. May you find or make paths in the USA but not forget your blood.

Papi and I worry about how to give you the gift of a second and maybe third language. We know that the world is so much larger than our own neighborhoods and want you to be a citizen of the world so what better way to help you on that path than through language. Of course since you are but a little toddler we also worry about everyday things like keeping you healthy and growing strong but we can already see how bright you are and we are sure we can handle the little stuff now so we have leaped into the bigger issues like education, language, travel, etc.

I guess the real reason for this letter is to share my intent. I want to tell you and the world what our hopes and goals are for you and therefore be even more accountable. Understanding that our faith asks us to put things in God’s hands we are sure that someway somehow we will find the opportunities needed to give you all we can. We are eagerly on a journey that will shape us all and if you hold on for the ride and forgive us our stumbles we are sure the world will be better because you are in it.

Con mucho amor,
Tú mami

Traveling with Kids during Flu Season

Flu season is already upon us and let's face it, most parents are not just worried, we're terrified. Although logically we know vaccinations and adequate precautions are the best we can do to prevent the flu we still fear for our children's health especially if they are little. So what about travel? With so much attention focused on the H1N1 virus this season many of us may fear going outside our door and would much less consider traveling to another country but with proper precautions travel can be no more dangerous than every day activities at home.

The CDC and WHO are not recommending restricted travel for healthy people because the virus has already spread worldwide. High-risk travelers should consult a doctor prior to travel to areas reporting H1N1 flu. These include:

• Kids younger than 5
• People 65 and older
• Pregnant women
• People of all ages with chronic medical conditions such as asthma, diabetes, and heart disease.
• Kids and teens younger than 18 who are on long-term aspirin therapy and who might be at risk of Reye's syndrome after influenza virus infection.
• Adults and children with weak immune systems, including immune system suppression caused by medicines or by HIV.

Before travel make sure to prepare. Get vaccinated and get your kids vaccinated for both seasonal as well as H1N1 flu. Children under age 9 who are receiving the vaccine for the first time should receive two doses spread 4 weeks apart so make sure to start your preparations at least 8 to 5 weeks prior to travel. Try to maintain a healthy immune system by eating (and feeding your kids) good foods that include a variety of fruits, veggies, whole grains, dairy and other nutrient rich food. Make sleep for you and your kids a priority. Well-rested kids are less likely to get sick. Of course consult travel advisors of the country you'll be traveling to and subscribe to email alerts from them as well as the CDC & WHO.

If you're sick, stay home. Some airlines are waiving change fees if you can provide documentation of having the flu but to be safe inquire prior to booking. Travel insurance may also be well worth it's cost as is health insurance for your trip since most plans don't cover medical costs abroad.

While traveling, take sensible precautions. Keep your hands and your kids' hands clean. Teach them the importance of washing for 20 seconds or more and carry plenty of antibacterial wipes or alcohol-based gels. Teach them to keep their hands away from their face so the germs can't get into their nose, eyes, or mouth. Stay away from very crowded areas. If you must take public transportation do so before or after morning or afternoon rush hours. Inquire about less busy times at attractions and museums and try to plan your visits then. If you notice someone who is visibly sick stay at least 8 feet away if possible. If not possible, because they are your ticket vendor or stewardess, etc. then simply make sure to wash or disinfect your hands as soon as possible after contact with them or anything they were in contact with and still make an effort to keep your hands away from your face.

Although the H1N1 flu has proven to come with serious complications we have to remember that all flus cause these complications and they are all spread the same way.

My 19 month old recently had the flu. She caught it after being around her school aged cousins. She's been a very healthy baby so it was devastating to see her so sick. She had a high fever, no appetite (couldn't even get her to take liquids), and was almost listless. She only wanted to be held and cried about everything. We noticed her not acting like herself and took her to the pediatrician right before the symptoms were full blown. They tested her for Flu and she proved positive for Flu A (H1N1 is a strain of Flu A). That same day we started with the Tamiflu but because she wasn't eating she kept throwing up after we gave her the dose.

I guess some of it must have been absorbed because after the first two doses and an alternating constant regimen of acetaminophen and ibuprofen every three hours she started eating a bit and drinking water. For two days we were on egg shells terrified that her illness would develop into something much more serious but thankfully she started improving. By day three she almost seemed back to normal. She had a little cough but none the worse for it. It took a few more days to get completely over it and by then our pediatrician confirmed it was H1N1.

I share this to illustrate my point... yes it can be dangerous but it can also be no worse than seasonal flu IF you take care. Get treatment at the first sign of illness. Don't think twice. See your doctor or take your child to see theirs right away and get them tested for flu. The window for the antiviral to work is narrow and you can miss it if you wait too long.

Regardless, don't fear travel, just take sensible precautions and your trip can be just the same and as enjoyable as any other non-flu time of year.

Kids: Friendly or Not

I realize that people belong to one of two camps: Friendly or Not. I used to think that this was caused by life experiences that turned them off to interaction or because they were either extroverts or introverts but now I'm not so sure. I question this because I've noticed a disproportionate number of kids that seem to fall into the NOT friendly category. Could they all be introverts or are parents not teaching kids how to interact with others?

We have a 19 month old daughter who understands both English and Spanish and has about 10 to 15 words in both languages. Despite a lack of an expansive vocabulary at this time she does not have any trouble communicating non-verbally. She is big for her age... she is as tall or taller than most 2 year olds and maybe some 3 year olds... so most people assume she is older. Now that she is walking around and "talking" I have noticed that most kids we encounter are just not "nice". When she sees other kids she smiles, waves, tries to give them toys, tries to play with them, tries to dance or asks them to follow. She is gently engaging, kind, welcoming and encourages others to join her but most kids turn away, grab their mom, some pout, or worse charge her if she is standing by them. Perhaps her size is the root of the problem since even kids expect her to be able to communicate like them (with words instead of gestures) and may be less receptive to what seems like an older child acting like a "baby".

What's a mom to do? Yes I know that kids this age and very self centered by the nature of their development stage but isn't it the parents' job to encourage them to acknowledged others? Very much like it's our job to make them sleep naps, eat veggies, wash hands, etc.

I always stay by her and make sure she is not "attacking" the kids. She does not yell or charge them... on the contrary she slowly approaches seeking to make eye contact but she seems genuinely sad and disappointed when they won't engage. Usually the moms of these kids act as if we are not even there. They don't say hello or try to encourage their child to wave back or smile. Now that said, I'm not expecting them to have a play date while we shop for clothes or groceries but how could a greeting and a smile hurt? Are we that uncivil? I mean we're supposed to live in a friendly city.

Regardless, I have to say I'm at a loss. I don't want her to feel discouraged or change her natural reaction to involve others. I want her to be the one who thinks of other kids, the one who shares her toys and asks others to join her play but I don't know how to explain or make her feel better when she's snubbed. I'd love your thoughts and advice. Please tell me how you deal with similar situations or if you're the mom who acts as if other kids and parents are not there, can you explain? Maybe if I understand your point of view I can formulate a way to better deal with my child's disappointment. Help me be a better mom. Share your comments as long as they are constructive I'm all ears.

Getting the hang of it...

Could I actually be getting the hang of this? Every once in a while when I manage to make it through a day where my daughter didn't cry because I left for work; when she's taking both naps, eating, and generally in a good mood; when I get a few chores done and a little work and she hasn't had a melt down I start to think that maybe I know what I'm doing. Then as if expecting to be struck by lighting because I dared to think it I quickly rummage through my day to find the part that wasn't good. I try to find the area where I "messed-up". How odd. I really should just focus on all the progress and savor these days since they don't usually occur consecutively. But I must be doing something right. Recently I find myself as the advice giver. My other mom and dad friends have started asking me about doctors, shots, daycare, trips, toys, etc. Really? You want my opinion? I was baffled until I came across an interesting article in Parenting Magazine. This article talked about the 6 friends every mom needs. At the top of that list was the "mom in the same boat" friend. So finally the light came on! It's about having been there and done that and my friends with children a few months to a year younger than my little one figure I can speak from very recent experience. So on that note... we are due for our 18 month follow up. Once again we will be faced with 3 or 4 vaccines and now a very active toddler that hates holding still. I realize that although we hate seeing her upset we do seem to have the hang of the ordeal and was happy to offer a friend, who talked about crying when her baby got her first shots, a little advice. Or course if you have other tips or tricks you'd care to share we'd love to hear what's worked for you. When you take a little one to the doctor for shots consider:

•Having the shots at the end of the visit. (ask if not standard practice)
•Dressing them prior to the shots and doing so in clothes that won't hurt or irritate the shot area. If they're older than one but younger than three consider clothes that covers the area or they will pick at the band aids.
•Giving them a pain reliever right before appointment.
•Being ready with distractions... sing songs, play with toys, make silly faces... anything to get them to focus on you and not the needle.
•Asking that the more painful of the shots be given at the end. The order of vaccine injections should be the DPTaP-Hib vaccine followed by the PCV.
•"Cycling" with their little legs and rub the injection site if the nurse didn't.
•Having a bottle ready. Sucking helps pain so if you weren't already holding your child pick them up (being held also helps the pain perception) and give them a bottle or breastfeed them.

For us these tricks have made the process very smooth. We split her shots into two visits each time so we have had quite a few times to try these out. Our daughter usually doesn't even cry until the 2nd or 3rd shot and then the crying only lasts as long as it takes for me to pick her up and put a bottle in her mouth. Yes, I know that according to the Mom BIBLE I should have weaned her off the bottle by now but hey, that's a whole different blog!